for me

so i think this is just for me now. i will just write whatever i want. this is essentially like when i talk to myself at 2am. i didnt actually talk out loud when in america when i did that. but now i do. so this is the same thing but during the day. so last night i almost threw up in bed being nervous about my life. i have a stalker that i could have gotten rid of today, but last night i was thinking about a girl who might like me and that made me nervous. i was weighing the pros and cons which i really shouldnt have to do when thinking about a girl i might date long term, but its what i do. then tonight made me angry cuz the girl at work i would like to date long term was tired from a 2nd date. i was about to say thats not fair of me but it really is since i have flirted with her non-stop since i got here. the new girl at work is super hot, but she just doesnt seem like a long term setup to me. i decided recently that i am not looking for one night stands anymore, and really am looking for a somewhat longterm relationship. a short term relationship which is fun would be ok too, but mostly i want to find someone for me. thats especially important to me while im over here since i dont really have anyone. if i could have a friend or something that would be different, but i dont really believe there is anyone in this country i could rely on if i need it.